I have had faith for as long as I can remember. A deep and steady knowing that lived within me before I had language to name it. The religion I was born into never felt like the right container for that knowing. The rules, the rituals, the judgments and expectations, none matched the way my spirit naturally reached for the Divine. So I grew up with a split inside me: a strong, personal, indescribable faith on one side, and an inherited rigid religion on the other. The two never lived in harmony. The dissonance left me uncertain and untethered, free floating without a spiritual home of my own.
A Faith Without a Map
In my early years, I stumbled through the messiness of adulthood, relationships, and partying. I made most choices from a place of fear instead of truth. That widened the split inside me and made it deeper. Without a spiritual foundation that I resonated with, I felt isolated, drifting, and resentful that everyone else seemed to have some blueprint for peace that I did not.
My life became a rebellion. Not about breaking rules, but about fighting to find myself. Trying to fill the ache of not having a spiritual home that felt honest. I was searching without a map, and eventually, like many of us do, I landed on my knees. Literally and spiritually, asking for guidance, support, and something bigger than myself to hold onto.
Meeting Tammy
And that is when I met Tammy. At the time, she was training to become a spiritual counselor, and I became one of her practice clients, a detail that is so serendipitous now. Tammy became a steady companion during the most transformative chapter of my life. She held space without judgment. She listened deeply and walked with me through shadow work and soul collage, piecing together the fragments of myself I had either pushed aside or cast away.
Most importantly, she gave me permission to explore my spirituality in the way my soul had always been trying to. Freely, creatively, and intuitively. For the first time, I received the words: your relationship with the Divine is yours. It can look like anything that feels aligned. That freedom changed everything.
Making as a Spiritual Practice
Creativity became part of my spiritual practice. My relationship with the higher power I aligned with became my sacred medium. My hands, ideas, and imagination became bridges between me and the Divine. Making things became prayer. Colors became conversation. Fabric, paper, clay, paint, and thread became language.
This is the integration that lives at the heart of The Gracewell Studio today. Creativity and spirituality woven together. Every project, every bag, every idea begins in the same place: with faith, with intention, with the quiet connection that made me whole. If you want to see how that woven practice actually shapes the work, you can read more about the Gracewell process here.
Tammy’s place in my life continues, and we are friends on this journey.
Keep Going
If this story speaks to you, wander into the Believe Path, where these threads of faith, spirit, and seeking are gathered.
And the story continues in Awakening Part 2: The Making of My Ministry, where seminary, ordination, and the years that followed unfolded into Gracewell.
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Go gracefully. 🤍
